Note: this story was written by the parent of a wrongly accused student. The names have been changed to protect their identities.

Michael grew up in a NJ middle-class family.  Although his parents separated when he was very young, both parents spent considerable time together as a family, with Michael and his older sister, Christina, attending as many of their school and sports functions as possible. Michael was smart and athletic, although he was also a somewhat shy child that looked up to his older sister. Both kids were raised to be polite, well behaved and respectful.

Starting when letter grades could be earned in school, Michael got all “A’s” every marking period all the way to eighth grade, when he got his first B, in Health.  All of his teachers spoke very highly of him and how well-mannered and polite he was. This good behavior and scholastic performance continued into high school, allowing him to graduate in the top 10% of his class. He dated a few girls but didn’t have a steady girlfriend until his senior year.

Her parents loved him as their daughter’s boyfriend. They felt safe with her being around him. He tutored the girl’s younger sister in math and played golf with her father. They invited him on their family’s summer vacation at the Jersey Shore. He met most of her immediate family and was genuinely liked by all of them.  He was known as a good guy, trustworthy, honest and kind, with a good circle of friends, some nerdy and smart and others athletically inclined jocks. He seemed to be able to get along with all groups at school. He regularly tutored other students – both his age and younger – in Math, at which he excelled.

Michael heard all about his father’s great times in college at Ohio State and met his college roommates, who had become lifelong friends of his dad. He loved watching football games with his dad and became an ardent fan of his dad’s alma mater’s team and school. During his pre-teen and teenage years, his dad brought him to his old college to experience the thrill of football live in the stadium to watch his team play and win on those trips. He got to feel the electricity of a live sporting event and hear the roar of the fans as his team scored another touchdown.

When it came time to apply to colleges, Michael applied to several and wound up getting accepted to Virginia Tech, James Madison and Ohio State, among others.  His Dad lived in Virginia at the time and was able to get Michael in-state tuition rates at the Virginia universities at which he was accepted, but his top 10% high school class ranking achieved him a scholarship at his dad’s alma mater equal to the difference between in-state and out of state tuition, which was a huge benefit.  Michael’s choice was clear – he grew up loving the college because of his father, now he was going to be a student there. He entered his freshman year there, with plans to major in Finance.

His first term was tough as he tried to adjust to a new environment, two states away from his home and not knowing anyone there when he arrived. He and his high school girlfriend broke up in October of that year, knowing that it was coming, but still having a hard time accepting the end of a relationship and leaving a part of his past behind. His girlfriend’s mother even sent him a care package, with homemade cookies and a note stating that they missed him.

Still, even being a bit shy, he made some friends and did very well grade-wise, making the Dean’s List with a 3.8 GPA in his first term.  By the time he came home for Christmas break, he was very homesick and thrilled to be home for almost a month.  He enjoyed seeing his hometown friends and resuming some part-time work at the ice cream store that employed him while in high school.  By the end of the break, his friends started leaving town to go back to their schools, and he started to feel the urge to get back to his new home: his college.

The spring semester brought a new life into Michael. He was more comfortable in his surroundings, his old girlfriend was fading from his focus, and Spring in Columbus brought new experiences and challenges. He made new friends and joined a fraternity. His good grades continued. He was right where he wanted to be, living the life that he had heard so much about, listening to his dad talk about his college days. Michael and I bonded even more than we did before – we both shared an experience that he was living. I knew the places he was going, I understood the feelings he was feeling. This legacy that he was living brought both of us much closer, to a level I didn’t think was possible.

He came back home at the end of Spring semester and his grades continued to be good, still at about a 3.75 GPA and on the Dean’s List.  He continued to work at his summer job and hung out with his high school buddies, but he was really excited to get back to school since he was moving into his first apartment with one of his roommates from his freshman dorm.

One of my old OSU roommates and best friends came down, and we helped Michael move in. We brought in lunch for Michael and his roommate and my friend and I talked about our life at the school, what good times we had, and how it ended up in a lifelong friendship – something that we hoped would happen for Michael.

After I left him to settle in, he apparently reached out to a girl that he had met during the earlier spring term that year and they made plans to meet later that weekend, before school started. Jessica was a year older than Michael. They got together, and she invited him back to her apartment and initiated a sexual encounter. Michael wasn’t ready to get serious with anyone since he was still getting over the breakup of his high school girlfriend. They talked and texted occasionally during the fall semester, but, for some reason, didn’t get a chance to get back together before the Christmas break, when Michael again went back home to NJ.

He again worked and spent time with family and friends, but Michael was again anxious to get back to school at the end of Christmas break, looking forward to spring term of his sophomore year. The fraternity had a big party planned at the end of January, and Michael was elected as the new president starting the upcoming Fall semester. Michael and Jessica continued to correspond, and he invited her to the frat party at the end of January.

Their texting pace picked up considerably during the week prior to the party, with a good deal of flirting and suggestive sexual innuendos going back and forth. She made comments that Michael was a nice guy that she trusted. Jessica even promised to bring Jell-O shots to the party.  She had plans to meet one of her girlfriends early for dinner, and then head over to the party later.

Michael was on door duty when Jessica and her friend arrived. They had had some drinks prior to coming and continued to drink beer and Jell-O shots after they arrived. Michael was wrapping up his shift watching the door and joined the girls after an hour or so and began drinking with them.  The girls stayed for another hour or so, but said they needed to go home. Michael offered to drive them and one of his brothers home after the party. He dropped off his friend and Jessica’s friend, who asked her if she was OK and she said she would be fine.

They got to her neighborhood and, after finally finding a parking spot, she invited him in to her apartment, a 2-story townhouse. She went upstairs, and Michael waited downstairs. After about 15 minutes, he called up to her, but there was no answer, so he went up to check on her and found that she was getting sick. He brought her a trash can in which she threw up, getting some of it on her clothes. She went into the bathroom to take her soiled clothes off and came back into the bedroom naked and started rubbing and grinding up against Michael, trying to kiss him.

He pushed her away because of the odor of vomit and she went back into the bathroom to wash and brush her teeth. She came back into the bedroom naked and said she was feeling better and started rubbing up against him and kissing him again. She pulled him over to the bed and helped him undress, initiating the sexual encounter. They did several things, but ultimately, he could not perform, whether it be the alcohol or the fact that she vomited earlier.

She asked him to stay overnight, but he was embarrassed and said that he had to go back to the frat house to help with the party clean up. He asked her if she wanted him to lock her front door when he left. She said no. As he was unfamiliar with the neighborhood, he couldn’t initially find his car and called her to see if she could tell him where they had parked, but there was no answer. He eventually found his car and made his way home.

Jessica contacted Michael the next day via Facebook and told her that she couldn’t find her phone. He checked in his car and found her phone on the passenger side floor and contacted her back and offered to bring it to her. She told him that she could pick it up later, so he said that he had a Sunday evening meeting at the frat house and he would leave it in the mailbox there for her to pick up.

When she picked up her phone that evening, she left Michael a bag of his favorite candy as a gift, and a note thanking him for taking care of her that night and telling him that she had a good time and would like to get together again. Embarrassed by not being able to perform and not really wanting to get into a serious relationship, Michael didn’t call her for some time after that.

When he texted her in mid-March, about a month and a half later, she responded by saying that she never wanted to see him again, not to contact her and that he had raped her. He was shocked and taken aback by this response and stated that their encounter was complete consensual in nature. He told her that he was sorry that she felt this way and would not contact her again.

Almost two months later, in early May, he was notified by the college’s Student Board of Conduct that she had filed a complaint against him. After a phone interview with a Board of Conduct representative, he was told that he was required to attend a formal hearing, which, after several delays, was finally scheduled for August 18, 2016, just days before the beginning of the start of his Junior year.

Michael called me after the initial May notification and we discussed what happened. I asked him to be honest with me and explain the exact truth of how he remembered the chain of events. Michael has never lied to me, and we have always worked on the basis of truth and honesty. I told him to be honest with the Board of Conduct phone interviewer and to tell the truth, both then and during the formal hearing, and he would be OK.

How very wrong I was. We did hire an attorney for the hearing, but the board would not allow her to speak on his behalf, only to be present for moral support. He called me after he received the judgment results, about a week later and told me, in tears, that he had been expelled for “non-consensual intercourse” and “endangering behavior,” and was never allowed to set foot on the campus again.

We immediately appealed the ruling and awaited their answer. It was almost like they didn’t even do anything more than what was already done: “it was more likely than not” that it happened the way Jessica described,” which was the confirmed ruling.

Michael’s college career at his dream college ended very abruptly and painfully. It took weeks before we were able to get approvals on refunds of the medical insurance and meal plan costs that he never used. His transcripts were marked with the expulsion tag and we were very worried that he would not be able to get into another quality university. We spoke to an attorney about a defamation lawsuit against college and the girl, but we balked at moving forward, looking at a minimum of a $75,000 legal bill.  We considered all of this for about a month and then decided to press forward, but then learned that the statute of limitations had expired one year after the date of the incident and that there was nothing that could be done at that point.

The following is a list of controversial and contradictory actions and verbiage that came about during this entire incident and shows what a sham and how unfair this proceeding really was. This had nothing to do with finding the truth of the matter. It was only about the college trying to abide by the current Title IX guidelines in order to keep their federal funding allocations. It was not about fairness and taking care of their own students – it was about money.

Consider these points when imagining how this ruling came to its fruition:

1. Jessica initiated both sexual encounters with Michael, never once using the word “no,” and admitted to such.
2. Jessica claimed that she was drunk, and does not remember her actions during the evening. Consequently, she also claimed that she did not drink any more that night than what she would normally drink during a night out. She also admitted that it was unlikely that anyone slipped anything in her drinks at the fraternity party, especially since she, herself, made and brought the Jell-O shots.
3. Although Jessica claimed that she could not remember anything that occurred after she left the frat party, she went on to vividly describe various times during the encounter in way that would suggest that she was not that drunk at all, but she changed the facts to paint Michael as an aggressive and dominant attacker that had her immobilized with fear for her life, which is so very different from her actual actions, both that night and the next day.  Her descriptions of the color of her vomit and the positions they were in on the bed were very constructive in creating her case against Michael but were in contradiction to her claim of not being able to remember anything, which the board didn’t ask any questions about.
4. It was found out that Jessica has several emotional/mental issues, such as ADD, anxiety disorder, depression and prior issues with her father, for which she was taking various prescribed medications for treatment. When Michael raised the question on whether any of these medications may have caused a memory loss in conjunction with the consumption of alcohol, she responded that she wasn’t comfortable talking about those things and the board did not press her to answer.
5. Both Jessica and her friend that attended the party with her were former Sexual Awareness Counselors, well versed and trained in the process of claiming rape and very knowledgeable in the key words and catch phrases used in the process.
6. Jessica had a physical examination at the hospital one hour outside the 96-hour window of time required for rape examinations. She claims that there were bruises on her body that she took pictures of on her cell phone. When asked to produce the photos, she stated that they had been deleted from her phone. Also, the examination report from the hospital has no such mention of any bruises related to this incident. With her background as a Sexual Awareness Counselor, she did not act accordingly with the procedures that she had learned. If this was really rape, why did she wait over three months to report it to the University?  Why did she not report it to the police in the days following the incident?
7. Jessica’s friend that attended the party with her was not at the hearing to vouch for her and answer any questions about her claims and statements, yet those statements were accepted as fact, with Michael being unable to cross-examine her. It was noted during the hearing that she and Jessica were no longer friends, for reasons unstated.
8. Jessica wrapped up her statement by saying that she was living in fear of encountering Michael and/or his fraternity brothers on campus, and being afraid of retaliation, although there was never any evidence of him or his frat brothers ever approaching her, contacting her, or using any inappropriate behavior to threaten her or her friend. She used an emotional and tearful rant of lies that directly contradicted her actions to paint a picture of Michael being a monster that needed to be stopped before he committed heinous acts again when he had absolutely zero history of any behavior of this nature. Her comments of not being able to work or focus on school were greatly exaggerated, especially when she commented that she finished the semester on the Dean’s list.
9. Michael’s character references and his witnesses that were present and stated their observations were basically ignored. The parents of his ex-girlfriend even submitted glowing letters of praise about his behavior and treatment of their daughter. These were also ignored. These are not letters about someone who is accused of rape and endangering behavior.
10. Jessica had a boyfriend during both times she was involved with Michael.

We are not sure of the exact motives of this woman. Maybe she wanted more from a relationship than she got. Michael not calling her after the encounter was not a gallant move, but it hardly deserves an outcome like this. Maybe her friend or friends coached her and helped her create a scenario that made her feel less underappreciated and uncared for. Maybe all of this occurred and led her down a road that she felt too far gone to go back and take responsibility for her own actions.

Whatever the case, Michael certainly did nothing to deserve the punishment he received. He had been raised to treat women with honor and respect. He would never dream of hitting or abusing a woman. He never displayed any type of aggressive behavior towards women. He was genuinely well-liked by all, polite and respectful and considered to be a “good guy.”.

Michael, a relatively shy 20 year-old kid who was never in any degree of trouble and never showed any aggressive behavior in his entire life, had to defend himself and his college career in what amounted to a courtroom, without any prior experience and knowledge of the surroundings and legal strategy. With the amount of risk involved, his attorney could not properly advise him; she could only sit by and scribble notes of advice without speaking, and he was expected to interpret those notes and defend himself by telling the truth in a calm, collected manner.

He never expected to be blindsided by the lies of a resentful girl. The injustice of it still makes me angry as I am writing this. The clearly biased judicial board, all with close ties to the school, had deemed him guilty before he walked into the hearing. They were not interested in learning the truth, only working on a “preponderance of evidence” that allowed them to adhere to the unreasonable Title IX guidelines and maintain Federal funding for the University.  The end result was that a well-crafted statement of lies by a disturbed young lady, who was very educated and well-advised in the entire rape process, timeframe and key words, and who was also burdened with emotional issues, resulted in a “more likely than not” ruling that destroyed a young man’s lifelong dream of an wonderful educational experience at his father’s alma mater.

The female attorney that we hired event made the comment that this case would have never made it to a court of law.

Moving forward: Michael was lucky to get into another school, starting in January 2017. He lost a great deal of credits, even coming from another Big 10 University, and dealt with a frustrating, unresponsive system fighting for the credits he earned at his prior school. He commuted to his new school on a daily basis and found it hard to make friends.

His grades slipped, and he grew frustrated and unhappy with his college experience. He didn’t want to be there, and in the spring term of 2018 he dropped out, no longer able to focus on his goals and fighting anxiety and depression. He has moved back home with his mother, has put on a great deal of weight, is lethargic, unmotivated, and unable to hold a job.

He is embarrassed and ashamed of all of this but lacks the mental fortitude to move forward to regain what he has lost. He is seeing a psychiatrist and is taking medication for his emotional problems, still trying to get the correct levels adjusted for him to maintain a positive mood. He has stated that he feels numb and lost, so far behind where his friends are in life and where he expected to be at this point. He is cynical and guarded, doesn’t know about his future, and has had thoughts of suicide as an alternative to getting treatment and the mental anguish of getting his life back on track.

His family and friends can only hope that he reaches the point that he becomes so tired of his current state that he reaches down within himself to find the spirit of survival that can bring him back to a useful and happy life. We are heartbroken for him and are here in every way we can be to help, but he is the one that needs to take the first step.

This is the damage that many people don’t realize occurs as a result of a lack of due process for those who are falsely accused and convicted of something they did not do. There is so much talk of protecting women, but this kind of tragedy is totally separate from protecting women. This is about protecting everyone, about finding the truth, and innocent until proven guilty – something that is stated in our Constitution as a basic right for everyone.