Note: while both male and female students face Title IX accusations, we will tend to refer to male students throughout this post for simplicity of reference and due to them being a strong majority of those accused.

If your son or daughter is a college student and has been accused of a Title IX violation such as sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, dating violence, or something similar, you are likely wondering what to do next or how you can help. While most parents of accused students (“respondents”) are not Title IX professionals, they often immediately and correctly understand that their sons’ education and professional careers, not to mention their relationships and mental health, are at risk.

Higher ed Title IX “grievance procedures” (the general process by which a school investigates and makes a final decision regarding the above-referenced types of misconduct) are not easy on parents. Because your son is no longer in lower education, schools set stricter boundaries on how much you can be directly involved. Effectively defending one accused student requires specialized knowledge and can be a part-time job in itself, something many working parents have little time for. Lastly, while parents want to be there for their children, the reality is that many parents are hurting as well. A false allegation is something the whole family endures.

That said, as a parent, you are in a unique position to provide crucial support that few others can. I will go over several ways you can do this below. Be sure to also check out our other guides and resources in our library.

1. Give Him Our Guide for Accused Students

We have written an extensive guide tailored to accused students on what they should do as soon as they know that a Title IX investigation has been initiated against them. You can find it here. I recommend that you read it as well; not only will it give you critical information about the immediate steps your son should take, but it will also help both of you understand and be on the same page about the nature of these proceedings and how elaborate and tricky they can be.

Since you are reading this, we can already check off the first of the guide’s suggestions to accused students: telling their parents.

2. Be an Active Part of His Research and Support Network

Title IX proceedings are complex and, frankly, fundamentally unfair to accused students. They are governed by federal regulations, state and federal laws, court decisions, school policies, and the interests and unwritten rules of administrators. It is unfair to expect an accused student to be familiar with all of them at a moment’s notice, and at the end of the day it is his future that risks being derailed by the school’s decision. Schools do provide resources to accused students. Because accused students “don’t know what they don’t know,” however, they have no way of knowing whether those resources are sufficient. Too often, they are not.

Making matters worse, some accused students do not take assertive steps to defend themselves. Rarely does this work out for them, and it can happen for a variety of reasons. They may incorrectly believe that the allegations are not that serious or that their defense requires little more than telling the school the truth of what happened. On the other extreme, some accused students may have been shell-shocked by the allegations, become withdrawn or depressed, fallen into despair, and now view their defense as hopeless.

I recommend checking in with your son regularly. It is not uncommon for accused students to become withdrawn, especially if they have lost friends and other relationships as a result of the accusation. Ask him how he is doing, for updates on his case, and his plan for the next step. Even if he is slow to respond or unresponsive, he will know you are there for him.

3. Help Him Find the Right Advisor

One of the most important decisions you and your son can make is determining which advisor will assist him. Our guide for accused students addresses how to do this in detail, but I will echo a few points here.

Advisors are critical resources for helping accused students avoid missteps, making their case in as favorable a light as possible, and working toward achieving a positive outcome. A good advisor will be in-tune with regulations and laws governing Title IX grievance procedures, have experience assisting accused students, will be free of conflicts of interest and bias, is responsive to communication, can communicate with administrators professionally, and is someone you feel you can trust. In practice, advisors do things like:

Engaging the services of an advisor can be a considerable expense, but it is worth it if you find a good one. If you are considering supporting your son financially through this ordeal, it makes sense for you to take an active part in choosing an advisor. If you are interested, consider our affordable advisory services. We frequently meet with students and their parents. We are also comfortable meeting them outside normal working hours in the evening and during weekends, which is often a relief for working parents who cannot easily cut into their workday.

Even if your son has an advisor assisting him, not all advisors are effective. You may consider helping your son evaluate the advisor periodically. We occasionally receive calls from parents who are concerned that their current advisors do not sufficiently respond to communication, their advice has backfired repeatedly, or they are too hands-off rather than zealously engaged. When this happens, it is usually the case that the advisor works for the school and/or does not make assisting Title IX respondents their focus.

That said, there is also a time to step back and let the advisor and the process work. Additionally, because an advisor’s first duty is to the client, he or she must prioritize the clients’ interests and wishes in the event of a disagreement. It is not uncommon for advisors to write this into their engagement or guarantor agreements, and seeing it is a good sign; they are looking out for the best interests of the client!

Next Steps

This post is intended as a general overview of what you can do as a parent to help. If you would like to talk with an advisor, call us at (903) 309-1845 or email us at [email protected]. Lastly, feel free to check out more resources below, all of which and more are found in our library:

• Guide: What to Do if You Have Been Wrongly Accused of a Title IX Violation
• Affordable Help for Wrongly Accused Students
• Accused Students Database
• What is Title IX? A Quick Beginner’s Guide
• Glossary of Terms Used in Title IX Grievance Procedures